DOGS

Signs It’s Time To Rehome Your Dog

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It’s one of the toughest decisions as a pet owner you’ll ever have to make, but sometimes, it’s actually very easy. Here are some important signs that could mean it’s time to rehome your dog.

It Destroyed Your Chew Toy Collection

It Destroyed Your Chew Toy Collection

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There’s no way you can have that dog in your home if it’s going to gnaw on your precious beef-scented plushies and squeaky bones.

The Responsibility of Caring for and Maintaining the Happiness of Another Living Creature Feels Like a Mounting Irritation and You Just Can’t Be Bothered

The Responsibility of Caring for and Maintaining the Happiness of Another Living Creature Feels Like a Mounting Irritation and You Just Can’t Be Bothered

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At least you’re honest.

The Dog Dies

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There’s not much use for a dead dog, but you know in your heart there’s a family out there that would be so much better at taking care of them than you would be.

You Meant To Get A Cat

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It took about six months, but you did some research and discovered that the pet you thought you were getting looks completely different.

Your Dog Aspires For More

Your Dog Aspires For More

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Your dog has spent months browsing the internet for home listings that are way beyond your budget, so stop trying to hold them back from their full potential.

The Dog Lied About Their Relationship With Michael Vick

The Dog Lied About Their Relationship With Michael Vick

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If your pup had truly never met Michael Vick, then why are there so many photos of them in his infamous dog-fighting ring?

The Dog Doesn’t Fix Your Depression

The Dog Doesn’t Fix Your Depression

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Hey, you got rid of your therapist, and you didn’t have to feed them or pick up their poop.

They Have Eaten Every Member Of Your Family Except You

They Have Eaten Every Member Of Your Family Except You

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It’s either time to find your dog a different home or submit to him as the alpha.

They Bit The Amazon, UPS, and FedEx Drivers

They Bit The Amazon, UPS, and FedEx Drivers

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If you’re not ready to talk about your dog’s problems with the long-term sustainability of direct-to-consumer supply chains, they’ve got to go.

The Dog Is Slowly Morphing Back Into Its Human Animorph Form

The Dog Is Slowly Morphing Back Into Its Human Animorph Form

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Caring for your kids is hard enough—you don’t need another human-dog hybrid running around.

They Request A Trade And Refuse To Show Up To Training Camp

They Request A Trade And Refuse To Show Up To Training Camp

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Yeah, your dog is being pretty upfront with you, but they’re planning on bailing as soon as they get another offer.

Your Dog’s Investment Strategy is Too Aggressive

Your Dog’s Investment Strategy is Too Aggressive

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Any animal with such risky portfolio management is a danger to your family finances.

Your Brain Physically Cannot Think Of Anything Besides How Cute They Are

Your Brain Physically Cannot Think Of Anything Besides How Cute They Are

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You only live one precious life. You cannot waste it all blissfully thinking about your adorable dog.

They Express Differing Political Views

They Express Differing Political Views

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Your home is a safe space for your opinions and your opinions alone, and your dog should not be making you look bad at the dinner table.

They Replace You On The Varsity Basketball Team

They Replace You On The Varsity Basketball Team

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And as if that weren’t bad enough, they’re also taking your girlfriend to prom.

You Just Landed A Recurring Role On A Network Sitcom

You Just Landed A Recurring Role On A Network Sitcom

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If you think nothing is going to change between you, you’re just fooling yourself. Wish your dog success in their new life in Hollywood and move on.

They’ve Seen Too Much

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The less witnesses who can place you in your home on the night of April 8th, the better.

Got A New Table

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Not all dogs match with all furniture. And it’s a really nice table so…

You Never Wanted Him Anyway!

You Never Wanted Him Anyway!

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You hear me? Never! So go on, get outta here! Run off to somewhere Mr. Banksworth can’t get his greedy mitts on you!

The Dog Has Needs of Any Kind

The Dog Has Needs of Any Kind

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Oh, hell no. You didn’t sign up for this!

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